If there’s one thing I want to continue to work on as I get older: it’s letting go of things sooner. Letting go of all kinds of negative things that will ultimately increase my quality of life and enable me to live differently. My ability to hold onto things and harbour pain/frustration is really some sort of cursed superpower (without any of the fun parts). I really want to work on generally living better this year, and that doesn’t mean just taking a few extra vitamins and reading before bed…
It’s the daily mental well-being that I want to focus on. Little things that I can put into practice that will make a huge difference long term. Traits I have adopted that impact me negatively and cause me extra stress…
The first being the illusion that ‘things might have been better if I’, or ‘things might have turned out differently had I…’
It’s a bull-shit place to let your mind wander. The only paths that really exist in life are the ones that you choose to take. There’s no knowing how differently life might have been had we opted for different things, so why beat ourselves up over a glossy illusion that our minds have romanticised?
We are all human and most of us do it, but it’s so important to exercise the ability to believe in not only ourselves, but also the decisions we make (no matter where they lie on the scale). Of course, it’s sometimes fun to fantasise with friends and laugh over how differently life could have turned out, but I’m really talking about the stuff that keeps us up at night. The stuff that makes us feel guilty or at fault in some way. All we have to do is keep learning and keep moving forward. I want to make less time for that grey space in-between, and spend more time speaking kindly to myself and looking towards the future. Life is so easily wasted in that grey space.
The second thing I really want to let go of this year is people pleasing. I am the worlds biggest people pleaser and it drives me mad. I can’t help myself, and it can be exhausting when combined with anxiety.
I want to stop feeling like I have to be everywhere all at once and catching up with every different friendship group. Socialising gets harder as you get older, and we shouldn’t feel bad for not always feeling up to scratch. Sometimes we just need a Friday night alone with Netflix and Pad Thai, and that’s A-okay…
Make time for the people that matter most, but don’t forget to make time for yourself too.
This line of work can be the worst when it comes to people pleasing. I often find myself dwelling on what other people want from me, what I could be doing more of, and whether I’m even interesting enough to engage the amount of people that follow me. Ultimately, I just try and focus myself on the reasons I started sharing parts of myself online – to connect with others and share my interests as I go along. Not everything has to be as complicated as my brain likes to make it. Finding a happy medium when you’re a people pleaser is key. It’s very easy to start living your life for other people, and to lose sight of what you want…
Slowly but surely, I’m starting to have more confidence in my abilities as a human and what I have to offer the world. I recognise that there are huge positives to being an overthinking people pleaser, but I also recognise the negative impact more than ever. I know there will be days where I kick myself for agreeing to too much, or for entering a dark void of overthinking that I can’t see a way out of…
It’s okay to have those days. So long as I’m actively working to better the parts of me that need working on. With each year that passes I can see the growth I’m making, I can see that I’ve not given up on myself, I can see how much I want to live differently and make better life choices. Here’s to making positive changes in 2019 and putting ourselves first when it matters most.
To living better.
Photographs taken by Catherine Booty
Jacket – Cow Manchester, Jumper – WeekDay, Jeans – vintage Levi, Boots – Alexa Chung, Bag – Chylak, Sunglasses – Reformation
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Nowadays there is no way you can please everybody. Actually, it’s far easier to offend them than please them… I hope you make some big changes in 2019! You should definitely focus on yourself! Your well-being is far more important and if people don’t get that, then they shouldn’t be in your life. It sounds like you’re on your way to achieving that inner peace and I really hope you do! I hope we all do!
Mariya | http://www.brunetteondemand.com
Totally agree with you! And thank you, that’s so lovely of you xx
That is so close to my current state of being. I learned so much these years about how to live a more peaceful and happy life. But there are some things that are deeply ingrained in me, and though they might have a negative impact, it’s hard to throw them away in a short period of time. It’s hard for me too to let things go and I’m also a huge people pleaser. And it often gives me a lot of stress. I hope you succeed on this path to live more for yourself and I hope that I will too.
Ah gosh, at the moment im terrible for thinking about ‘what could have been’ – I can’t seem to drag myself out of that place, but reading this has reminded me of how much I need to stop doing that.
Your words spoke to me like there where my own Alice! Thank you for your honesty and sharing it. 🙂 Keep on living better in great outfits.
Love from Frankfurt,
Thank you so much! Best wishes xx