WANDERING BACKWARDS…

Do you ever find your mind wandering backwards? It’s something most of us fall victim to at certain moments within our lives – those who deem themselves over-thinkers in particular. For the most part, we are told that overthinking is a negative thing, that offering something too much thought will only ever lead to unnecessary despairing. As a seasoned worrier/over thinker, I definitely think that it comes with it’s pros and cons. A lot of the time, I think it makes me a more thoughtful person – someone who is very in tune with their emotions. However, there are also times when my mind wanders back to a brief conversation I had in 2012, a text I sent, or a message I received that my brain now wants to interpret differently for some reason – these are the times I wish there was an emergency mute button… 

I remember reading a quote from Winona Ryder once and never identifying with something so much in my life. It read…

“I think too much. I think ahead. I think behind. I think sideways. I think it all. If it exists, I’ve fucking thought of it.” – Winona Ryder 

It’s something that’s always stuck with me, and I think it’s because it perfectly describes how my brain works. I feel as though I never fully switch off, in fact, I find myself dwelling on things the most when I’m relaxed. Almost as if the quietness and stillness of everything suddenly creates a stage for my thoughts to be louder. When I’m busy, I tend to get caught up in the moment, I don’t overthink as much, and my mind is just focused on the tasks in front of me. I reckon that’s why I love a hefty to do list – it organises my mind, and allows me to focus on exactly what needs to be done at that exact moment…  

As much as overthinking can be rubbish, there’s also positives to be found – retrospect is actually a wonderful thing, and one of the true masters when it comes to learning from our mistakes. Suddenly something that gave you months of heartache finally becomes numb, or someone you gave too much of your time to begins to fade into the background. There’s been so many times where I’ve sat questioning myself, and then a few months later I can see the situation for what it really is. It’s true what they say, as you start to get older you really do start to care less about the people that don’t matter, the people that aren’t worth your time, and the people that try to project their own insecurities onto you. Being an over-thinker can often trick you into thinking it’s something to do with you, this is why it’s so important to have faith in yourself as a person, your morals, and also the truth… 

You aren’t alone if you have a habit of wading through what you shoul’ve, would’ve, could’ve changed about something that happened in the past – a lot of us replay memories in our heads and revisit conversations that left us feeling unsettled in some way. Perhaps you’re re-reading old texts or searching for old emails, or maybe just wondering how different your life might be had you taken that job or moved in with that friend. Maybe you’re at a stage in your life where the past feels like it was more fun, or you’re just impatiently waiting for a better version of the future to get started… 

I have come to the conclusion that life just happens. There are things you won’t ever be able to change, and that’s okay. There are times you will overthink to the point of insanity, and that’s okay too. Everything is learning a curve, and you have to teach your brain to make the best out of what you have right now. You have to allow yourself to trust that the future has so much in store for you, and you won’t always be certain about what that is. There will be times when your brain feels like a scattered mess of feelings – like too many sticky notes all piled up, but you’ll eventually find a way to let go of the ones that don’t matter, and make way for new, better thoughts… 

 

Alice x


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9 Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes I run out of words to explain how I feel, but then you write blogposts and it perfectly matches my thoughts..

    With love from Holland,
    Miranda

  2. Beautifully said. I’m going through a relationship break up and so much (all!) of what you’ve said resonates. I look forward to the numbness.. x

    1. So sorry to hear that! But just remind yourself that everything passes eventually, and one day you’ll look back and learn from everything you’re going through right now and grow as a person. You are stronger than you realise xx

  3. Yes! I can relate to this post so much! I feel like my mind is almost calmer when I’m busy doiing something because I’m focusing on the task at hand, and when it’s quiet then my brain refuses to settle down 😬

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